Timothy, "to honor God"

I have struggled with how much to share or not to share on my blog or on facebook about our journey with Timothy. For those of you who don't know, I'll start from the beginning. Last summer (2010), our Sunday school class was studying Max Lucado's "Outlive your Life." It stretched us to think beyond ourselves and to put our Christian love into action. As a result of one of the chapters of study, we began a discussion in class on adoption. Josh and I went home discussing adoption for the first time. We came to the conclusion that we were: 1) young and healthy enough to have more children if we wanted, 2) not really in a position financially to adopt internationally, but more importantly, 3) willing to be obedient if a baby that needed help were to land in our path. To be honest with you, we thought that would look like a young girl from the community that wanted to give up a baby. We had no intentions of looking for a child to adopt after this conversation. We just felt like if God put a baby in our lap that needed help, that we could help.

Fast forward to late fall 2010... My dad grew up, one of six children. One of his brothers who, at the time, had a 10 year old daughter that he'd lost three years prior to DHR. One of the other brothers had taken this sweet girl in and has raised her for the last three years. Without sharing more than is pertinent to our story, let's just say that there had not been any positive changes that made anyone think the situation that had her removed in the first place had improved. We find out in the fall that there was a new baby on the way in this same family. When we found out that there was a baby on the way, we started praying. His name would be Timothy. For several weeks leading up to his delivery, our family and my children would pray for baby Timothy to be healthy. Some time later, we find out that baby Timothy had been born, gone home with his mom and dad from the hospital, and then removed one week later by DHR from the home. He was placed with his sister's custodian when he was one week old. At this point, my mom had talked to the custodian and could tell that he was in a hard position. Both of his children are grown and out of the house and he had graciously been taking care of Timothy's sister for 3 years. He did not sign up for a newborn, but willingly took him in. My grandmother was around to help, as were other members of the family. Even with the help, it seemed like Timothy would not be going home, but he couldn't stay long term where he had been placed. After a minimal amount of thought, I asked the question, "what's required to get on the list?" Josh and I filled out a form, gathered a few references and submitted our paperwork to DHR. (note: we're talking about Jefferson County, AL- ifyouknowwhatimean)... After three weeks of absolute no response, no news, no movement in any obvious direction, Josh and I were lost. I'm a planner. If I'm bringing a newborn home, I gotta get ready for it! So, I remember clearly on a Sunday morning, waking up crying. I was mourning a child that I had visualized in my family. A child that I had not met, but only wrapped my mind around, thoughts, plans, ideas. Josh and I felt like we had not heard God correctly. We were willing. We filled out our paperwork. Maybe this was just a test of our obedience. Would we go where He called? We ended the day with a peace that no news meant that God was closing doors. We resolved to wait until we heard from God as to what we were to do next. It even prompted conversations about having a third child, looking into foster care... We didn't know where God was going to take us, but we were in His hands. The very next day, my phone rings. It's Jefferson County DHR and the phone went something like this, "Ms. Whitt, I wanted to let you know that we need to schedule a home visit because we'll be placing Timothy in your home. Can you come to court next Monday?" OK. We're still in God's hands!

Long story short (ok, I know it's not short, but I've waited so long to share it!)... Monday, December 13, we bring home a tiny, quiet, healthy, six and a half week old baby boy, named Timothy. When we brought him home, we had no clue where God would take us through this journey. The night before we went to court for that first time, a very good friend of mine lovingly prepared me for family court. She said it was the most messed up, emotional, crazy, rewarding thing we would ever do. She about summed it all up! We brought Timothy home and it took all of 3 minutes for us (and all of our family) to fall completely in love. He was perfect in every way. We started documenting our journey from day one. Number of visits, amount of support, number of phone calls. The next six months were filled with home visits by DHR workers, scheduled/missed/shortened visits by Timothy's mom/dad/sister. They would come, they would not come, they would show up late, they would stay for 30 minutes. Sometime they gave money, others they didn't. Josh and I felt strongly that we wanted Timothy's parents to come as often as they wanted. We made sure they new that they were welcome in our house. Our main concern was Timothy. At this time, and through most of the process, it seemed that the courts really wanted to place Timothy back with his birth parents. I know the system. They look out for baby and mom/dad. They don't give many rights to the guardians. You're just the custodians. (you know, the ones raising the kid!) Anyways, we wanted to know that if Timothy was ever going back to live with his birth parents that it would be a comfortable transition for him. There were several (3 or 4, I think) court visits between December and May. Each time, the DHR workers and counselors could not report to the judge that mom and dad had done the things required of them to regain custody. Finally, on May 9, 2011, the Judge closed our custody case and relieved DHR from duty. This left Josh and I full custodians of Timothy and left his birth parents with 2 hour visits twice a month.

I want you to understand that I am truly trying to be fair and nice on this blog. I have for 14 months been mostly silent about the circumstances surrounding custody and care of Timothy. We have truly trusted God and leaned on Him to direct our steps and order our timing.

Once the custody case was closed, we knew things would stay like status quo as long as we wanted them to. Timothy's birth parents had the option to come back down the road and petition the courts to reevaluate their custody status. While we felt like they were not going to desire constant visits or be willing to support Timothy, we kept an open mind. After several months went by, it was evident that Timothy's parents were not being proactive about changing their situation or lifestyle. In August, after many telling signs, Josh and I retained an attorney and filed a petition for adoption of Timothy. Adopting Timothy was the only solution that we saw for a stable, long-term outlook for this sweet child. We had two court dates in September and October that were post-poned for different reasons (scheduling conflicts with other parties). These months were full of set backs, disappointments and unanswered questions. We felt like we were doing the right thing, but still often struggled with making the right choices. This decision was not made lightly, and I, especially, struggled with the long-term consequences. Was "I" taking Timothy away from his family? Was it "our" fault that he would never live with his birth parents again? Were "we" causing family factions or strife? We knew ultimately, that we were fighting for Timothy. In several ways we were fighting for his life.

Mid-November brought us news of a January 12, 2012 court date. This was it! After many meetings, much preparation and a ton of prayers, we were finally going to get our day in court. Let me say here, that every other sentence of this post should read, "and they were lifted up by the prayers and support of their loved ones." So, the hundreds of you (literally) that have lifted us up during this-- Thank You. Thank you for being obedient, thank you for being encouraging, thank you for keeping us grounded. OK. January 12th... Our attorney has asked us to bring people willing to testify for us. The more, the better. This, again, was nothing we took lightly. I fully understood that asking anyone to testify for us was the same thing as asking them to testify against one of our relatives. Again, I struggled between doing the right thing, ruining Timothy's birth parents life, and honoring God. I asked several family members to come to court with us. As the week of the hearing drew near, I had two prayers. They seemed to me to not both be possible. My prayer was that we would not be delayed and get to be heard by the judge, and secondly, that the people that I had asked to come would not have to testify. I did not want to sit through a day of 10 people saying good things about Josh and I, and saying bad things about my uncle. I didn't think it was necessary, and it was not the way I wanted things to go. So I prayed. I asked others to pray. We received so many calls, cards and words of encouragement that week.

[As another side note (sorry), can I tell you what a true friend is? A true friend is one that, immediately after receiving notice via text of my one (and only) complete mental breakdown in the days before the trial, asks me to pull over the car (smart), and tells me she's putting me on speaker phone so her and her obedient, godly husband can pray for me. They STOPPED and OBEYED. I don't know if I would have made it home that night without them. I knew people were praying. I felt that people were praying, but in my one minute of break-downed-ness, I called out. Ann, you will never ever on this side of heaven, know how pivotal that 20 minutes was to me. Can't we all learn from that example? If God puts someone on your mind, STOP and pray. Don't say, oh I'm praying. Do it!]

OK. We show up to court and not long after we've met with my attorney in our pre-hearing pow wow, my uncle comes in. It's obvious that he doesn't have an attorney, and he's alone. We have a chance to have a pre-hearing meeting with the judge, where our attorney states our intent, and my uncle asks for more time. Judge Minor was very fair, compassionate and kind. He explained to my uncle that while things did not "look" fair, that he promised that my uncle would have a fair chance to explain and present his side of the case. (prayer #1, answered... no delays!)

Judge Minor let us know that he had to take care of a few things and we'd get started in a few minutes. He left the room and everyone was uncomfortably chattering, preparing, wondering what was about to happen. Josh and I had an attorney, he had two paralegals, Timothy had a court-appointed attorney and there were 8-10 people there that we had asked to be there to support us. I was on the stand and I was looking at all of the people that were there "on our side" literally and figuratively. I saw a sad, alone man sitting on the other side. For the last 14 months, I have felt sorry for them. We have earnestly prayed to make sure we were doing the right thing. At that point in time, I for the first time, realized that we were doing the right thing. Josh and I had prepared, sacrificed, studied, and worked for this child. We were there prepared. Prepared to fight for this child who deserves a chance. A home free of drugs, and full of the Lord. After several uncomfortable minutes, my uncle steps away, unannounced, and doesn't come back. It's not until the Judge has come back in, that we realize that Timothy's birth father is gone for good. He didn't fight. Oh, how this breaks my heart. Mom didn't show up, and Dad didn't fight. You know what we think he did? He gave Timothy the best shot he could at a good life. He wasn't going to put our family in an awkward position. He walked out, so that we could walk in. We are thankful to him.

We were there, the Judge was there, and we were going to move forward. I testified for twenty minutes or so. I felt that Josh could have easily done what I did, but being the administrative type, I had studied, recorded, met with our attorney and was intimately aware of the details. I knew that people were praying for me. I was not scared or nervous. I was finally getting to tell our story. Timothy's story. A story with a hope and a future. After I was done, the Judge asked my attorney who else would be testifying. Our attorney introduced the people in the room and respectfully told the judge that they were all going to say the same thing and we didn't want to waste his time. Guess what? The judge didn't think it would be necessary to hear more, and asked for a recess! (answer to prayer #2, no one else was called to testify!)

After the recess, Judge Minor spent some time explaining to us what legal adoption means. When he signed our adoption decree, the old Timothy was gone. A new Timothy came into existence. A new name, a new birth certificate, a new social security number. That old Timothy, the one with the family court files, the past due hospital bills, and baggage? He no longer exists! He is a new person. Hallelujah. Now, I knew that Judge Minor was a believer, but I didn't know he would be preaching the gospel of Christ!!! How can you not see God's love and plan for us as His children through the process of adoption. Praise God that HE has adopted me. I am a new creation in HIM! Our prayer is that one day we will see evidence of this same saving grace in Timothy's birth parents. Please pray for them. Pray for us as we continue to learn a new normal.

Judge Minor signed our adoption decree, took several pictures, and we were done! Timothy James Whitt, you are loved, you are wanted, and you are worth fighting for. WE LOVE YOU!

Through these 14 months, we have clung to God's word and to songs about Him and His faithfulness. He has held our hand through every step and put friends and family in our paths at every point in this journey to encourage, support and love us. We could never thank each of you individually, but please know, Josh and I couldn't have done this without you.

Below are some of the meat that has kept us going. I hope that you are challenged. Maybe God is calling you to action. to obedience. Don't be scared. Don't put Him in a box. You'll never know what His plan has for you. We do know this, however, that it is a good and perfect plan, just for YOU!

Matthew 18:5
"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."


Isaiah 1:17
"Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows."


Galatians 4:4-6
"But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons."


Psalms 68:5-6
"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows--this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families."


James 1:27
"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."


2 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a sound mind."


Philippians 4:4-7
"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in all things, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be know to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."


Ephesians 3:16, 19-20
"I pray that out of His glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being... and to know this love that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever, amen."


Hebrews 13:5-6
"Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"


Psalm 121:1-2, 7-8
"I lift up my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth. The Lord will keep you from all harm, he will watch over your life. The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forever more."


Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope."


Isaiah 49:25-26
"I am the One who's on your side, defending your cause, rescuing your children. Your enemies, crazed and desperate, will turn on themselves, killing each other in a frenzy of self destruction. then everyone will know that I, God, have saved you-- I, the mighty one of Jacob."


Hillsong United, Came to My Rescue
"Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours
My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne
I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where you are
In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high"


Kristian Stanfill, Holding My World
"So I will not worry or fret
My God is the God who will never forget
All of His goodness and all of His promises
He's holding my world in His hands
And I am Your child, Beloved
And all of my days my future is laid in Your promise
Jesus, to the end of the age, I am not alone of forgotten."

And, the meaning of Timothy's name? To honor God. Go for it buddy, we're behind you every step of the way.